It has been longer than I intended since my last post. I suspect that I have been fighting a cold or something similar, but all I know for sure is that I did a lot of sleeping the last few days, and yesterday in particular. The main intent of this post is to record what happened when I wasn't sleeping. The next post will share some reflections on what has changed (or hasn't) since I started writing this blog.
Tuesday was a fairly normal day, not particularly good or bad. Only one thing of note happened: I had a mild anxiety attack at work.
I was alone, working on my last dog. The bather had already left for the day and the owner was out of town. I didn't recognize what I was feeling at first, attributing my clenched stomach to hunger and my tight chest to inhaling hair or dander. Only when my extremities began to feel the tingly, jittery sensation I associate with an adrenaline high did I realize what I was experiencing. With little other choice, I narrowed my focus to the task immediately in front of me (thankfully, I was down to nit-picky detail work that lent itself well to this) and worked through it, praying that my hands didn't start shaking from the adrenaline. About forty minutes after I noticed the first symptoms (twenty minutes after I recognized what was happening), they faded.
I still don't know what triggered the attack. I was able keep my "customer service professional" facade in place to check out my client during the last ten minutes of the attack, but only barely. If the customer had returned for their dog even five minutes earlier, I don't know if I would have been able to hide my symptoms. If I cannot pinpoint the trigger, I cannot avoid or prepare for it in the future. I don't frequently have anxiety attacks, but I have never had one at work, either. I have had significantly worse anxiety attacks in other settings in the past. It worries me that I might have another without warning, possibly worse than this one was, while at work.
I'm trying very hard not to think about that possibility.
Wednesday was uneventful. It was a very slow day at work, so I told the bather not to bother coming in and spent a lot of time cleaning. Afterwards, I met my boyfriend for a movie (Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 - well worth the watch!) and a meal out.
Thursday (yesterday) was more stressful. The owner was back, but not feeling well. Unfortunately, neither was the bather. He texted her asking to leave a few hours early so he could see his doctor (she was not at the shop yet), and in a fit of pique she sent him home immediately, not even letting him stay to help me until she arrived. On top of this, she then grilled me about why I was at the shop so long the day before (two of the four dogs on Wednesday paid for daycare and were not picked up until late afternoon), implying that I was sitting around being paid to do nothing (she denied this is what she meant when I called her on it). Despite all of this, I was feeling reasonably good, emotionally, when I got home, and assured my roommate that our planned shopping trip was still in the works for that evening. Unfortunately, this is when my body decided it had a different plan, and I fell asleep. With a few brief exceptions (anywhere from five to twenty-five minutes of wakefulness at each of three different points), I slept until my alarm woke me up this morning.
Which brings me to today. A busy day at work, but average where my mental health is concerned. The usual stress of a job that I would quit in a heartbeat if I could afford to do so, but nothing out of the ordinary. This evening has been spent catching up on minor tasks like responding to e-mails.
It's nice when minor tasks feel minor.
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